REFLECTIONS

 "You know, had I been granted with a few more grace minutes, I would have scored a perfect 100 in Business Studies."

" Had the accountancy questions been correct and not faulty as they were, I bloody hell would have scored a 3-digit! Damn my luck!"

Such dialogues were chanted like life granting mantras all across different households on the much dreaded class XII result day, or as many of us have now re-christened it- The Dooms Day.

 I scored a decent 96%. I'm thankful for it, my heart is brimming with unparalleled gratitude towards my Almighty for bestowing me with more than what i could ever deserve.

However my thankfulness can in no way be intermingled with the perception that I'm even remotely happy albeit the time when I actually checked my result. That is a funny story as well. I, being the complete panicky finicky idiot that I am condemned to be, checked the theory score instead of checking the clubbed result (i.e. theory plus practical sum total). Seeing the 87s and the 75s flashing on the screen, i could actually feel my heart disintegrate, the impact caused by the sight being no less than a physical blow. From the corner of my eyes, I could see my mother jumping up and down in ecstasy which forced me to wonder if the shock of her daughter scoring such disgraceful marks had led to a nervous break down terminating in the hysterical outburst that I was witnessing. However, that was not the case, thankfully so. My brother, being the mathematical prodigy that he is, quickly calculated my percentage and I was washed over with relief when I heard the grand 96% being uttered. Saying that my family was jubilant would be an understatement. 

However, as the initial excitement began wearing off, I was consumed by my own demons. Seeing that around 9,000 students scored an aggregate of a whooping 95%, I became rather dubious about meeting the admissions criteria of the coveted Delhi University colleges. Having dreamt of being in one of DU's top ranked colleges all through my childhood, a part of me just shattered. My first dream, my first aspiration, all down the drain. 

I wonder why we strive to fit into the society's moulds of excellence. Why can't we just revel in the after glory of a decent enough score for which we worked hard all through the year instead of stressing and fretting over cut offs? Why do we keep on vouching for more and more? Perhaps because class XII is made such a huge deal of. All other thirteen years of schooling pale in comparison when this menace of an academic year is just as much as mentioned. Class XII personally for so tumultuous for me that even if I get the chance to live it all over again, erasing the history and starting over with a clean slate, I honestly wouldn't. Not even a 99.9% would ever be good enough to compensate for the mental anguish that a child suffers in the process.